Loneliness...

loneliness...

the world's most cruel method of torture ever....here i am...sitting in my dark room with nothing else except my desktop in front of me..but i have nothing to do...and no one to talk to...its rather sad actually...despite the fact that i have some matters up in my mind..i have no one to share them with...after some serious consideration of who to text and all..i just notice..i have NO ONE....all that im capable of doing is to count the letters of loneliness....pronounce the word...enunciate it...stress the syllables..and feel them roll off your tongue....

how do you describe it..hmm...the feeling of you against the whole world...i dont know how to describe them in the simple form of words..but all i can say is that its a strong feeling...a strong feeling of uneasiness that can cause any ordinary man to crumble in its presence...im an ordinary man that is struggling..trying not to give in to the malicious loneliness..but somehow today i was defeated...i lost the battle to this loneliness and im forced to deal with the consequences...when it appears victorious...loneliness brags and boast about its victory...and when it does...it feels like a heavy weight has just been dropped on top of your chest...you feel that its very difficult to breathe...is this how you should feel after you lost your battle against loneliness?....
i might have taken a beating today..i might have been defeated...i might have lost the battle today...but this doesnt mean that i will lose the war against the omnipresent loneliness...hopefully i can have my heart set on the right path and win the war against the omnipotent loneliness...god..please bless me with all your strength so that i have a strong heart to prevail..Suffering from loneliness trauma...
Joshy

Creative...

saw this in one of my classroom...its the freaking wall...but some smart ass student went and scrape the paint off and wrote there lazy painter...haha....i must say..the guy who did this is a freaking creative genius...

Randomness...

tomorrow signifies the end of my trimester break....its a bittersweet feeling...feeling bitter cause i wont be able to sleep till LATE in the morning anymore...sweet cause finally i wont be rotting at home anymore..haha....results wont be release till next thurs...gosh...its nerve wrecking...the wait is killing me...i just hope i can get it over with as soon as possible...i checked mmls and i already got to know my malaysian studies assignment topic...and trust me..i have no idea what the heck they are askin for...=(....hopefully the malaysian studies lecturer wont be as bad as i heard..been reading a lot lately and found some really nice materials to blog about...will unveil more as time passes...haha...ugly betty is back!...season 4 rocks to the max...cant wait for the next episode...

Reflection...

yes...i know..i havent been blogging for a very long time..reason being...laziness got the better of me..but guess what...im back...and hopefully i will be back for good..haha...say NO to laziness..><...well..since i havent blog in quite a while..therefore i thought of doing a reflection post on what had happened in the past few weeks/months...
=>today is the day i decided to hit the pause button in my life to see how far i have come....

• first to kick things off i think i will start with my studies...a year ago..i entered engineering course with the hope that its the right choice for me...i was uncertain and afraid with the choice i made..reason being i was green and i was a novice with no experience in life or what so ever...i based my decision on the wish that and i can do well in the future...after a year of studying...i think im doing ok...im still happy with my choice..but not so sure with my major...but overall i think im doing quite ok...but im still trying to do better...
• after a year of struggling..i finally got my own car...its not new...but that is not the main point..the point is that i have a car..MINE..at last...
  
• despite the fact that i said i wanted to change my phone for 2 consecutive years...im still using my N70 after 4 long years...guess i just have to be patient and wait for the right phone to come along....
  
• i finally did it..i broke free from my so called comfort zone and made new friends in MMU...yes..i have to say..its a real character building experience..people in MMU are a collection of different characters from all walks of life...you may get along with some and you will despise some no matter how much you try....
• im taking this chance to say im truly blessed and happy that im getting closer with some of them...and hopefully its not a one sided feeling...and im sorry for some of the foolish things i did in the past...as i can be a bit bitter as things get tough in the past...but its a part of growing...i guess we can only truly appreciate ones company after feeling the loneliness without it...and after overcoming a great deal of obstacles im blessed to still be friends with some of them...
• i cant deny the fact that theres a lot of drama lately...all i can hope for is just that things will be better as time passes and we should be glad that we are given the chance to invest in more relationship....

i can still keep going but i think nobody is going to read a long post with all words...so i think im going call it a day....sem break is finally coming to an end and results will be released soon...gosh..im nervous...all i can do is just to hope for the best and everyone will be happy...

Bless all,
Josh