Lazy!

oh my goodness...its killing me....exam is just around the corner and I'm lazy as hell..i have no idea why m i so..but i guess its just the holiday season...i can't seem to bring myself to study...haih...now I'm just keeping my finger cross and hope that i can do well in the exam...and i seriously need a cure for this laziness!!

Christmas

since Christmas is just around the corner...i decided to do a post bout Christmas...Christmas also referred to as Christmas Day or Christmastide, is an annual holiday celebrated on December 25..Christmas is not just about the gifts and decoration..it has a very meaningful history behind it..Its the birth of Jesus...Christmas is also one of those time where you show appreciation...appreciate everyone that is present in your life..think about those people that really came through when you were in a pinch..appreciate them like no other...cause those people are one in a million rare...maybe you could even call them out of the blue and just say a simple "thank you"...u never know...simple words like this could really make a person's day..i know it would make mine...^^... and then..there are the decorations..where family members gather and just spend some quality time together..and hang beautiful decorations over the tree...the big white Christmas tree..some of the families might even take it to the next level and decorate their houses..and sometimes even if you decorate it with some really simple stuff the feeling and atmosphere of the whole place would just change..somehow you will feel warmth..a place call home...i guess its one of those magical things about Christmas..and lets not forget about the Christmas gifts..haha...i guess its delighted to get a gift..but sometimes i do think that..the real happiness and pleasure is not felt by the person who receive the gift..but the one who gave it...cause their reward is to be able to see the delighted smile n happy face shown by those that got their gifts and know that they will appreciate them..
just look at the smile on that face...^^...its priceless...so..just enjoy every moment in that short 24 hour period of Christmas...its a period of being thankful and giving...actually Christmas doesn't need to be limit to a duration of 24 hours..if we really want it..we can make the whole year as Christmas..all we need to do is just embrace the wonderful Christmas spirit..peace...

-boy that is feeling the Christmas mood Josh-

Colorgenics

Its a test that i took somewhere and its freakishly accurate...scary...

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behavior.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

Best moment in life...

The Best Moment In Life

1. Falling in love. (haih..never jadi)

2. Laughing till your stomach hurts. (it really hurts)

3. Enjoying a ride down the country side. (nostalgia)

4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio. (there ain't anything else better than this..)

5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside. (best sleep ever...)

6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel.. (best way to relief the shivering cold)

7. Passing your final exams with good grades. (haha..somehow feel kinda proud...)

8. Being a part of an interesting conversation. (enjoy every moment of it..)

9. Finding some money in some old pants. (haha...its like a gift from god..XD..)

10. Laughing at yourself. (feelin ridiculous..)

11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.(u mean snatching food across the table from a friend's plate..)

12. Laughing without a reason. (sometimes...)

13. 'Accidentally' hearing someone say something good about you. (doubt that ever happen before..haih...)

14. Watching the sunset.(most beautiful scene ever..)

15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life.(teary eyes...)

16. Receiving or giving your first kiss. (I'm still a virgin *wink*)

17. Feeling this buzz in your body when seeing this 'special' someone. (hmmm...don't have that now a days...)

18. Having a great time with your friends.(used to...now hope to...)

19. Seeing the one you love happy. =) (glad?...)

20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume. (still haven't experience it yet...)

21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories. (makes me feel old...)

22. Hearing someone telling you 'I LOVE YOU'(wish that someone would do so...)

P/S: grab from edwin...

What I have done?....Tag

a. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc on shuffle

b. For each question, press the next button to get your answer

c. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

d. Put any comments in brackets after the song name

e. Rate the songs from 1 to 10.10 for the best sng you'v ever heard.

1. If someone says,”Is this okay?”

50 cent, Eminem, Llyod Bank, Cashis - You Don't Know (hmm....)(5)

2. How would you describe yourself?

Simple Plan - Welcome to my life (XD..welcome to my life...love SP)(8)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?

Katy Perry - I kissed a girl (hahaha...)(8)

4. How do you feel today?

Pink - U & Ur Hand (hmm?...)(6)

5. What is your life’s purpose?

Rob Thomas - Lonely no more (yeah...)(7)

6. What is your motto?

Rihanna - Shut up and drive (lolz...)(8)

7. What do your friends think of you?

Ashley Simpsons - L.O.V.E (yeah...^^)(7)

8. What do you think about very often?

David Archuleta - Crush (lolz..so not true)(7)

9. What is 2+2?

Nelly Furtado - Im like a bird (swt?...not related at all)(8)

10. What do you think of your best friend?

Hinder - Better than me (yeah i gues...)(8)

11. What do you think of the person you like?

The Fray - Unsaid (lolz..)(5)

12. What is your life?

O2 jam remix - Beautiful Day (lolz!!!)(7)

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Frankie J - More than words (haha...)(8)

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?

Fall Out Boys - This aint a scene,its an arm race ( swt?..a race?..=.=)(7)

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?

Colbie Caillat - Realise (lolz..realise i found some1 i love?...)(8)

16. What will they play at your funeral?

Simple Plan - Crazy (swt!..i noe im crazy..haha...)(7)

17. What is your hobby/interest?]

Miley Cyrus - See You Again (lolz...?)(7)

18. What is your biggest fear?

Sean Paul - Get busy ( lolz..i wan a free life....)(7)

19. What is your biggest secret?

kardinal Offishall, Sean Paul, Akon - Dangerous remix (lolz?...im dangerous..XD)(7)

20. What do you think of your friends?

Madagascar - I like to move it (swt?...=.=)(7)

21. What will you post this as?

Linkin Park - What Ive Done (lolz...)(4)

22. What song would you play during your first time having sex?

Shakira - Beautiful liar (soooo unappropriate)(5)

Change Your Mind

The boy..

he was not pissed - they dint understand
he was trying to prove a point - they misunderstood it
he was hurting - they hurt him even more
he was trying with all his might - they made his efforts seem so pointless
he gave up and tried to change - somehow it never felt right
he was seriously breaking apart - they dint notice
he thought they don't care anymore - was he correct?
he shed tears from his heart - his heart was shattered
he was crying - will they reach out to him?

-he who has tons of question-

Time....

Something which I lack and short of....Why cant I just freeze time...

-the boy that is out of time Josh-

Tired and Lazy morning...

just posting this just because...its a lazy morning with nothing but a cold weather and a lot of disappointments...i guess im just tired..tired of studies..tired of work..tired of trying..tired of life..i guess its just one of those days where you will feel everything is not going to be okay...

-the boy that is tired and lost Josh-

Disappointment

Conspiracy vs Lies

-boy who lived on empty promises-

Pissed!

gawd..Im so damn pissed right now..the world..this world..that we live in are just full of lies and deception..they can be really good with you and promise the world to you just to get you all worked up for something so that they can get something in return..and once they got what they came for..what they leave you with are just pure disappointment, despair, anger and fustration...this is one of the reason why i HATE liars so much..they are just a bunch of unforgivable creatures, being...arghh...i sooo hate them right now..

-angry boy Josh-

Drenched!!!!..in the rain...

Got drenched in the rain...haih...was raining heavily...and we need to get to class which was like miles apart from where we were..so we had to run in the rain..and as a result all of us got soaked...none of us made it without getting drench..and the most childish thing was that we were kicking the pool of water on the ground trying to get each other wet..haha...well..it was some good times...then we tried to dry ourselves in the toilet with a hand drier...i know..it sounds ridiculous..but for of us were like fighting over 1 miserable hand drier...jackson cant stand it so he went to use the one in the girl's bathroom..haha...then came a girl who wanted to go to the toilet but thought she was in the wrong toilet cause jackson was there...it was so embarrassing and a group of girls cant stop laughing at him...then we took some pics in the toilet...i was having trouble no idea where to look..cause we took the pics from the mirror...so i might look weird in the pics..haha...

Darkest Darkness Regret..

Does this darkness have a name?When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed all by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small, like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the torture and misery of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did, but for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say, that could have saved someone we care about, especially when we can see the dark storm that's headed their way. Any small action or gesture that might seem meaningless to you might change one's life. Therefore do not be stingy to give out a simple compliment or even a pat on the shoulder or the back to comfort someone. You will never know that what you just did could change their life for good, do not have regrets for the things that we could have done but did not just because we dint feel like it.

- the boy that knows regret Josh -

The Sleepless Nights....

Im physically and mentally battered but somehow my body refuse to rest. I took a nap and slept a hell lot, but Im still exhausted. There are like tons of stuff going through my mind right now, I guess i really need to settle everything that is going on before my body can get a proper rest, one which i lack. Somehow all my efforts seem futile, no matter how i struggle or try, my work load just pile up, it never decrease no matter what I do. If this continuous sooner or later Im going to look just like that, nothing but an empty hollow shell with no soul in it....

-the boy that need rest Josh-

Did i found myself again?...

Sometimes you realize that your life has changed, and you realize that you have been running towards a destination, and that the destination that was once clear has become blurry, smeared with lines of the unknown. Then you might be afraid to keep running, as is normal for anything that is done in the darkness. When you lose sense of where you are going, its a really scary and terrifying feeling - imagine a pilot driving a plane blindfolded or sailing on the vast sea without a comass or a map or even a single navigator. Sometimes, its easier to stop steering altogether, and to cringe into a corner, covered in eternal darkness. But thats ridiculous, only the weak hide and only the timid fear. So you find yourself getting up, and starting to run again, and I suppose .. in the few moments when you made up your mind that you would continue the race, your purpose might have become a little more clear, like cleaning agents removing grease. Occasionally, you might see some scum forming between the magnesiums in life, and the stearates in your lifestyle, but you learn to reshapre the stearate, instead of hiding from the magnesium. When you start running again, it feels good, it feels better, you feel whole - purposeful and destined.


-the boy that wish to see a ray of hope Josh-

Strangers...

What are strangers...some of us question ourselves...what are strangers..well..according to definition..a stranger is 1 a person whom one does not know. 2 a person who does not know, or is not known in, a particular place. 3 a person entirely unaccustomed to (a feeling, experience, or situation)...

based on our common knowledge and senses...we classified people that we do not know or is not close with as strangers..we are always educated to not take things from strangers and try not to talk to strangers...but if we dont talk to strangers...how are we even going to break the boundary of being a stranger and turn them into your friends and ally...this is yet another mystery...

classification of strangers or even strangers itself can be a very oxymoronic thing..we often classified people that we do not know as strangers...but do we classified people that we know as strangers?...its yet another question that came to my mind today..somehow..

and the answer for that question is yes..thats why i say strangers can be a very oxymoronic thing...really close friends can just be a couple of perfect stranger at times...it is scary and terrifying...its a feeling which one should be afraid and terrified of...to think that the person that you think you understand the most turn out to be someone whom you cant talk to the most...at this particular time...one should really evaluate everything that had been going on and try to locate the problem and solve it before it turns into a mistake that one wished that they never made in the first place..

so live life with no regrets..appreciate everything that you are gifted with....

-the boy that just realise regrets Josh-

The story

he asked - they rejected
he was disappointed - they do not know
he attempted to hide it - nobody sensed it
he felt sorry - nobody understood
he apologized - nobody listened
he was tacit - they didn't notice
he obliged - they did not appreciate
he tried - it wasnt enough
he failed - they dint care
he cried - he hid - they searched not

but above and regardless of everything, do they stil love?

after everything, he hid, he still loved, and he forgave, but nobody understood...

-lonely boy Josh-

Finding purpose in a once purposeful life

it wasnt always like this...there was a time where my life was filled with purposes..when i was collected, confident and in control..but rite now im on the contrary..alwas fustrated...seemingly wandering and wandering blindly..in a road with no ends..and many roadblocks..

They say people change, its part of life..I agree. But you dont have to accept that bad changes right? or do you? I dont know..I never know anymore..Im so confused about everything, about my life, the way I act, who Ive been, who Ive become, and more importantly, who I wil be in the end..Everytime I think about this, I fail to grasp the problem behind whats tormenting my mind. There are times when I feel like Ive found it, but Im simply terminating a few thorns, while spikes are still growing...

"Seventeen is only more than sixteen in the number of syllables it contains."

But in the midst of the education, it feels like Im losing sense of who I am. I used to be able to value friendship above grades, God above pleasure, company above solitude..In spite of everything, I know that deep down inside of me somewhere, I still know whats most important to me in this world, and I pray I wil never lose sight of my purpose in life.

"How far do you dare to go before you realize you are not going anymore?"

I want so much and I deserve so much less, and can achieve as much as I believe I can..In ways I know that friends are not as important or as big a deal as everyone makes it out to be, but I also know that its also not as easy as some make it out to be. But it feels like, that's what has become my main priority. I'm constantly caught up in work and realize that for however long now, I have lost sense of who I am and what life is really about...

"How much can you believe yourself to be capable of before you realize that sacrifices are inevitable, and you have to gain at the expense of others?"

I guess living for the past few months have made me realize that at times you need to sacrafice others for your own benefits...but is everyone capable of doing so to the one who they call friends?...i gues its another dilemma with no definite answer....cause if they do..are they really your friends?..if they dont..some might judge them as being dumb...

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley

Well one good thing that I have got out of all this is that I realize how much my friends mean to me and how I love love love them so much and I totally cant live without them because they mean so much to me. And there are always people willing to listen, but sometimes Im unwilling to share, and I guess thats just part of life too..so i totally disagree with Eliusabeth Foley..even though we hate to admit it..but for us the true measure of how close we are..are the time that we spend togethor...

As for now...i surrender...Yes, I surrender..I am weak..I am hopeless..I am a failure..I dont deserve to live..and you know what? I can admit to all that and not feel the least bit shameful, because I know its true and there's nothing wrong with that..after all..im just Josh...not God...

-the lost boy Josh-

Give n Take

Its 12.16am...on Wednesday 19th of November 2008...n im feeling nouseous. n its not from the food...its not from the boring lectures i had today..its not from running too hard...its from not understanding what's going on at this moment in my life.

A year ago, I wud still b naive enuf to believe I even held relative control over my life..a few months ago, I started to admit defeat to my own humanity and surrendered to God...a few weeks ago, I decided to give everything..my whole life..every aspect of it (o at least I tried)..a few days ago..I realized I was still holding on..attempting to steer the wheel when it seemed as though I was about to crash..at this exact moment in time..I want to stop..I want to completely put all my faith, and all my trust in fate's hands..so that regardless of how close it seems that I am to crashing and losing it all..i hop to hv the opportunity to hv the chance to rejoice tht everyting is goin to b ok...bt is tht even possible?..

I dint ask 4 any of this..I dint ask for life..I dint ask to move..I dint ask to make friends..that would eventually not be friends..I dint ask to be hurt..there are a lot of things I dint ask for..

Im hurting..Im crying..Im breaking down..but its so hard to let go of the things I love..the people I love..Is it utterly necessary? to let go of those we love, only because they stop loving you..(or finding out they never did) or finding out people you called friends really arent so friendly to you after all..I dont want to..I really dont want to..because they mean so much to me. If I were God, I wud be able to love others unconditionally. But I'm not, I'm just Josh, and Josh doesn't know how long he can take this any longer..Maybe its time to move on, but I dont want to..I dont think I can..I wouldnt have fathomed that people could drift so quick..And it scares me that, despite how sure you are of how close you are at a point in time, there comes another point in time with the possiblity that it wont be the same anymore....

-a broken boy-

PeN@nG G3nTinG

well as title..i was suppose to post tis like few weeks ago..bt jz tht im way too bz + lazy to do so..so nw i gues im goin it...well..i gues some of u mite noe tht i was nt in melaka for a couple of weeks..haha...so tis post is to tell u guys whr i hv been...haha...i tink pictures cn tell more than words..so here goes...haha

i was packing...lolz...


nxt ting u noe..i was edi in the bus...way too bored..so i gues i cnt resist bt to ss..XD


n coz the journey was like super duper LONG..so we hv to stop 4 lunch...n trust me..nxt time..bring ur own lunch...the food thr sux..n the price....CUT THROAT...tis plate of food..cost RM7.50!!!...i repeat...RM7.50...lolz....haih...


well..after 7 hrs long...we finally arrive in penang...n another hr lata we reach the place whr v r suppose to stay...XD....here is a pic of it...


oh ya..b4 tht..thr were a couple of pic i took of the beautiful sky n weather...XD...


after we all hv frenshen up n bla bla..we went n ate dinner..lolz...we ate it wif jer's parents...wel..it was kinda an awkward dinner...bt well..his parents were cool...haha...XD...n without noticing it..we were hungry again..n we went hunting 4 our 1st supper in penang..n tis is the fruit of our hunt...XD


n being a veli self obses bunch...we jz cnt resist takin pic here n thr..haha...so here r a few prove...


after being obses wif ourselves..lolz...we went n hunt 4 our so cal breakfas...more like our lunch...n we end up eating penang kuey tiao..lolz..they gt crab meat n BIG prawn on it..take a look...

haha...n nxt ting u noe..we end up in kek lok si..well...thr were tons of turtles...n aso a zillion of buddha statue...n tons of other stuf...itink i shud jz let the pictures do the talking nw..tons of them...zz...


n after tht...i gues we ended up in botanical garden..thr was tis some wat like a tunnel..lolz...looks like a walkway to heaven...haha...

after tht we jz went to hunt 4 food food n more food...lolz...cnt reli rmb the name of the food..bt who cares...main point is tht its tasty...aint tht rite?..haha..n gues wat...we saw tis reli frenly german guy when we were eating wan tan mee...XD....

den it was the meal of da trip..haha...seafood buffet...dam..it was worth every cent...every piece of meat thr taste so dam nice...argh...love love love it

den thr was some madness after dinner...lolz...


den thr was the day when we went 2 the beach...saltiest beach i hv ever been on...lolz...

den thr was aso snake temple n toy muzeum...lolz...


n den..thr was genting....lolz...


lolz..the weather was nt tht gd when i was goin up..raining..haih...

lolz..me...checking us in into a delux room...haha

den thr is the outdoor theme park..n the massive fog...lolz...n aso 1st world hotel...XD


haha...oh ya..n we paid a hell lot to eat tauge..=.=..exp bowl of tauge in genting..zz..langsung no mee...


lolz...i gues tht pretty much sum it up...haha...nt the full detail tou...bt i gues thts tht...XD...so till nxt time..Josh...XD